My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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