I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
