It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
