Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
