I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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