If that was your dad, he is hot
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
