Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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