you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
