You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
