I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
