is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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