you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
