I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
