what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have fence marks all over my body
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
