so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
