Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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