he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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