I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
