Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
