Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
