can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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