very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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