It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
