Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
