You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I will be naked everywhere
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
