I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
