That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
