i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
