Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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