Pappa wants mamma naked
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
