I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
