The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
