tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
