I wish I could teleport
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
