mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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