somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
