I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
