i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
