i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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