the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
