It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
