she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
