We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
