Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
