Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
