I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
