She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
