it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
