Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
