Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
